


Tea For Two

by LadyKes



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Gen, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:32:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6269806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKes/pseuds/LadyKes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack contemplates unexpectedly decent tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea For Two

The tea at the station was truly, utterly horrid. 

It took a lot for him to say that, since he’d had bad tea far too often in his life, but it really was. At times he thought it might even have been worse than the tea they’d stewed all night in the trenches. The primary purpose of that tea was to keep men awake and warm rather than being something that tasted good. He supposed the primary purpose of the station’s tea was broadly the same, so perhaps that explained the taste. Still, they weren’t in a war zone now and there was no need for tea to taste like someone had stewed it in a dirty boot. 

Jack’s personal theory of why the tea was so bad was that no one ever bothered to clean out the urn properly, compounded by the fact that the police administration only allowed them to buy the cheapest tea using station funds. Things had been getting slightly better since Constable Collins had begun to step out with Miss Williams (and thus begun to be influenced by Miss Williams’ ideas of acceptable cleanliness), but it was still horrid. There was only so much a slightly cleaner urn could do.

All of those factors meant that when he sat down with a cup of tea this morning and actually found it drinkable, he nearly spit it back out in shock. That would have been a waste of unexpectedly decent tea, though, so he put the cup down on his desk and stared at it suspiciously. While he was doing that, Miss Fisher sashayed in and sat down in the chair across from his desk. He might as well have her name engraved on that chair, although if he did, she’d probably start sitting on the corner of his desk all the time just to be contrary. That was remarkably distracting, so perhaps he’d better not. Or maybe he should. In any case, she was here in a cloud of French perfume and a white fur collar that set off her hair and lips perfectly - as she well knew.

“Good morning, Inspector,” she said warmly, and then leaned forward to look at his teacup solemnly. “Has someone tried to poison your tea?”

She looked remarkably smug, even for her. He didn’t have a case on, but perhaps he was about to. She’d probably heard of some obscure death that would turn out to be a murder before the workday was over.

“Ah, no, I don’t think so,” he replied, and sipped his tea again cautiously. It was still drinkable. “Good morning, Miss Fisher. To what do I owe the honor of your presence?”

“We’ll get to that, Jack, but first you must tell me why you’re so perplexed by your tea.” 

“It’s decent, Miss Fisher,” he replied dryly. She’d refused to accept any politely-offered cups of tea after her first encounter with the station tea urn, so he was sure she’d understand the mystery inherent here. 

“Oh, that,” she said. “I donated a small supply of decent Assam some time ago. Someone must have finally decided to use it.”

She said it carelessly, but he knew that what she termed “decent Assam” was probably the highest quality tippy tea. Depending on how much she’d donated, that “small supply” might be worth a week’s salary or more. In fact, he probably ought to object on the grounds that no one in the station was officially allowed to accept gifts. That didn’t stop them, of course, as evidenced by the rather crumb-y nature of Constable Collins’ uniform jacket every time Miss Williams visited, but he was the Inspector here. He had a standard to uphold.

“I’m sure you’re aware, Miss Fisher, that the station does purchase its own tea,” he argued, and she rolled her eyes expressively.

“I don’t think you can really call that swill tea, and I say that having drunk battlefield tea,” she pointed out. “And before you’re about to quote some regulation about potential bribery, you really ought to think of this as me acting in my own self-interest.”

“I should?” 

“Well, yes, of course, Jack. I sit here in your remarkably uncomfortable visitor chair at least once a week. And I would occasionally like to drink a decent cup of tea while I do. Given the quality of the tea here, my options are to bring my own vacuum flask, which would rarely suit my outfit, or to supply better tea. So I’ve supplied better tea,” she said neatly.

“Of course you have. Well, Miss Fisher, since you’ve been our generous benefactor in the matter of the tea, would you like a cup?” He really probably ought to object more strenuously, but he wasn’t going to. The tea was too good, and it’d been awful for so long. 

“Inspector, I am delighted that you asked,” she smiled at him, and he somehow wasn’t surprised that Collins was already bringing in a cup for her. Miss Fisher transferred her smile to Collins and the poor man nearly dropped the cup. 

“Thank you, Constable,” she said prettily, and his ears turned red as he left the room. She sipped her tea delicately, then put the cup with its new stain of red lipstick down on his desk. “That really is rather good. I must say that I do have excellent taste. Tea for two, Jack, although I’m not upon your knee.”

“And I’m sure that’s for the best, Miss Fisher,” he replied repressively, trying not to think about that particular scenario. He was still a married man, as he had to remind himself quite frequently when it came to Miss Fisher.

“If you say so. Now, as to why I’m here,” she began. Her tone was suddenly business-like and he sipped his own tea as he listened to her describe an ever more fantastical series of events that would, he knew, ultimately require the assistance of the constabulary in general and him in particular. Perhaps he ought to be annoyed by her antics, but he just couldn’t be. Miss Fisher was remarkably endearing, even when she was being high-handed.

Tea for two indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> "Tea For Two" was released in 1925 as a part of a musical titled _No, No Nanette_.


End file.
